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My early teen years were spent living in fear. In fact, they prepared me quite well for life in post 9-11 America, but at the time I wasn't scared of dirty bombs or ricin attacks on the subway. No, back when I was thirteen I had much greater fears. Would I really have to switch to wearing boxers, or should I tuck in all my shirts so other kids couldn't 'check?' Was I ever going to have the courage to try to kiss the girl I was 'going out with,' or would I be an awkward coward for the rest of my life? But the biggest fear I lived with was the fear that someday soon, my dad was going to say we needed to talk, sit me down, and start with, "when a man and a woman love each other very much..."

Oh, the birds and the bees talk, what a horrifying threat lies within you! While you mark an important rite of passage from child to puberty monster, you also mark the first time we have to sit down and allow our parents to wash wave after wave of shame and embarrassment over us. You haunt us, threatening to unfurl during any pregnant silence. Sooner or later we all have to suffer through you. Unless.....

Unless your parents spare you this embarrassment by skipping the conversation entirely, and avoiding any situations in which the conversations would have to occur. I guess that's why my dad never said, "Hey, why don't we listen to the second side of The Psychedelic Furs classic Talk, Talk, Talk. There's a track I think you should hear, and then we can talk about what the song means."

[ mp3 ]: The Psychedelic Furs - I Wanna Sleep With You

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